I'm Gonna Miss You When You're Gone
by I Hate To See Your Heart Break
Summary: Their impending graduation has caused Eli to devote more of her time to Nozomi. Paradoxically, the more time they spend together, the lonelier Eli feels. Meanwhile, Nozomi laments how obvious her affections for Eli must be, and expects Eli to soon begin distancing herself. Imagine how perplexed she becomes when Eli tells Nozomi she will feel lonely without her after graduation.


**A/N:** A/N: This was inspired by the song by Switchfoot that the fic's title is taken from.

So I have no idea how Garden of Glass fits into the canon, and have no idea when it could be said Umi wrote it. So for the sake of this fic, it was before they graduated. Oh, and I recommend reading **Friendship** before this fic. It's pretty short and I wrote that the day before this one, so they kind of connect. This is definitely a stand-alone piece, though. Also, I have not seen the movie. Ok, enjoy.

* * *

"Do you think they made the right choice, disbanding μ's?"

"What makes you ask that, Elichi?"

Eli took a long sip of the tea Nozomi had made her. The two friends sat at the dining table in Nozomi's home, having just arrived from school. Just a few days ago, the announcement that μ's would disband after graduation had both shocked Eli greatly and not been a surprise at all. It caused her to think of Nozomi's love for μ's, which reminded her of the time Maki called her the goddess who birthed the group, which made her think of Nozomi's request for a love song, which lead Eli to an embarrassing thought.

Nozomi had eventually acquiesced to a song written as a group that was not a love song, having only wanted Muse to do something as a group of nine. However, Umi had come through with the love song request anways, and in a big way: Garden of Glass. Never in her life could she have imagined Umi was capable of writing something as shameless as that ( _yuri_ no meiro) though, in retrospect, perhaps Eli should not have been so shocked to have been the one paired with Nozomi. After all, Eli was the one who pushed for a love song in Nozomi's stead. However, whilst Umi and the others had most likely not thought anything of it, Eli had been thoroughly embarrassed by their having been paired for the song, a song that screamed of how it had been written specifically for the two. Eli, hopelessly in love with her best friend, had already suffered plenty singing it. The prospect of never singing it again, however, was devastating.

"Aren't you disappointed that μ's is disbanding?"

"Mm... Well, no. μ's wouldn't be μ's without all nine of us, right?"

In truth, the disbanding of μ's was tragic, but it wasn't her main source of grief. Instead, it only served to punctuate the approach of something inarguably more important: graduation. Eli and Nozomi could have sang that duet whenever they wanted if it weren't for their inevitable separation. As someone who was used to being without friends and who had not expected Nozomi to approach her, Eli felt certain that upon entering university, even if it were to be the same university, the two would inevitably drift apart against the blonde's will. She could hardly imagine life without the spiritual girl, but the same couldn't possibly be true on Nozomi's side. She was funny, maternal, kind, cheeky, elegant, playful, shameless, shy, beautiful—Nozomi could make it just fine without Eli. If anything, she was dragging Nozomi down and keeping her from making more and better friends. It would be selfless and honorable to let Nozomi go.

And yet Eli had been spending every evening at Nozomi's, to the point that today she had finally caved in and accepted the twin-tailed girl's offer to sleep over, but only because it wasn't a school night. She felt she needed to soak in as much Nozomi as possible before they were inevitably torn apart by fate.

"You're right as always, Nozomi. I'm really going to miss performing, though. Ever since I quit ballet, I think I was starved for that. Singing and dancing with everyone was too much fun."

Eli eventually looked up from her cup of tea when Nozomi offered no response. She was staring down at her own beverage, her expression unreadable. She spoke before Eli had a chance to inquire about her silence, though her eyes never left her cup.

"You really enjoyed singing with everyone that much?"

Eli frowned, confused as to Nozomi's motives. Nozomi always had a motive for acting like this.

"Of course."

"Sometimes I feel like maybe I forced you into μ's."

"Nozomi," Eli said so firmly and resolutely that Nozomi looked up to meet her unwavering gaze, "We both know you couldn't push me into doing anything I don't want to do. No one can. I joined μ's because I wanted to. I really did, all along, and I know you knew that, which is why you gave me the push I needed... right?"

Nozomi smiled and nodded, though there was something off about her smile, something Eli couldn't quite pinpoint. Eli had seen smiles like this many times, smiles that didn't reach her eyes.

"That's right, Elichi."

She paused, the two girls simply staring at each other for several seconds before Nozomi continued.

"And... you enjoyed singing with _me_?"

* * *

Describing Nozomi's feelings for Eli as residing in a garden of glass was extremely fitting; they were utterly transparent.

Nozomi knew that she and Eli would make great friends the moment she first heard Eli's voice.

"It's nice to meet you all. My name is Ayase Eli. I hope we can be friends."

The hard look she gave her classmates would have intimidated anyone else, but Nozomi saw something, something hiding behind her icy blue glare: vulnerability. Instantly, as if the cards themselves had told her, she knew with certainty that Eli was like her. She knew Eli struggled with being social, that her strong feelings and personality caused her to clash with others. Upon consulting her cards the first day of their first year, Nozomi discovered that Eli was indeed too worried about disappointing others to reach out to them. _'I need to talk to her.'_

Eli proved herself to be quite the older sister figure, as well as almost a father figure, both as president of the student council and as the choreographer for μ's. To others, it may have seemed as if Eli didn't care enough about the school to let Honoka and the others save it. On the contrary, however, it wasn't that she didn't care enough; instead, she cared too much, and as Vice President, Nozomi had a unique vantage point with which to see that in action as Eli funneled all her energy into trying to save the school. Eli wanted to be the school's savior. After her failure as a ballerina—a failure made all the more grave by her mother and grandmother—Eli needed something to make her feel useful. That wasn't to say she didn't love the school, though. As a third year and the daughter of alumni, she cared about Otonokizaka more than anyone.

Eli's gorgeous, caring, nurturing, mature side had her smitten, but Eli's cute, shy, vulnerable, almost childish side had Nozomi giggling like, well, a schoolgirl. The _cool and clever Eli-senpai_ inspired a sense of awe and near reverence in others, but because Nozomi knew the real Eli, she believed it was inevitable that she would fall in love, and inevitable that she would prove to be only a burden on the blonde.

That's why Nozomi was so thoroughly shocked when Eli abruptly stood, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Elichi..."

* * *

" _Of course_ I love singing with you! There's-There's nothing I love to do more! You're m-my only true friend, Nozomi! That's why... That's why..."

Nozomi gaped as the quarter-Russian returned to her seat, head bowed and elbows on the table, her two fists holding up her forehead; the very picture of feeling distraught.

"I don't want to lose you, Nozomi."

It was said barely above a whisper, and Nozomi's gasp was nearly as inaudible. The twin-tailed girl felt her heart speed up and heard her mind bitterly remind her, _'She means lose you as a_ friend _. Don't get too thrilled.'_ Still, those whispered words confused her.

"How would you lose me?"

Eli tilted her head up slightly, staring at Nozomi through her bangs. She looked like her heart had shattered; the glass wall separating them was finally being torn down.

"Nozomi... You're amazing." Again, said girl's heart began to beat furiously. "You're truly the goddess of μ's... and mine, too. I-I honestly don't know what inspired you to talk to me that day." Eli let out a bitter laugh, tilting her head back down so she could avoid Nozomi's gaze. "I guess it was just in the cards." Eli straightened and looked to the side, focusing on a picture frame containing an image of μ's. "I've been so lucky to spend this time with you, but..." She sighed. "We're graduating soon. You're going to move on to bigger and better things, and I'll be left behind." Eli's head whipped around, her eyes pleading with Nozomi like she was guilty of a heinous crime. "I know it's selfish of me! I-I-I'm not fun or cool and or confident or anything like that, and Nozomi deserves the best! Still..." She looked away again, the energy escaping her body and the train of thought in her mind slowing to a halt. She better stop talking now, stop embarrassing herself.

Two arms snaked around Eli's shoulder and a chin rested on top of her head. Eli didn't move a muscle, preparing for some sort of goodbye.

"My Elichi..." Nozomi felt Eli flinch under her, and she interpreted it not as shock but as discomfort. Still, Nozomi did not let go. She had no idea where Eli had gotten all of those words and that high opinion of her, but she was about to send it all crashing to the ground, and she felt she was finally ready to do so. "I love you." Silence reigned for several seconds, neither girl making a move, and Nozomi took this as her cue to continue. "I think I have since we first met. You _are_ cool and confident, and you're also shy and reserved, and caring and fatherly and... I always saw us as the two parents of μ's, actually. Elichi, I..." Nozomi uncoiled her arms, taking a step back, staring at the blonde hair she loved so much. "I'm sorry for burdening you with this."

Eli remained seated. She didn't move at all, and Nozomi waited. She clasped her hands behind her, a sort of morbid and melancholy peace settling in her chest whilst a heavy weight settled in her stomach. Finally, Eli stood up, and Nozomi contemplated walking into the kitchen to avoid watching Eli leave. When Eli turned around, tears were streaming down her pale face, with a cross of sadness, anger and hope in her eyes, utterly confounding the purple-haired girl. When Eli leapt forward and wrapped her arms around Nozomi, knees bent slightly so the taller girl could grab her around the waist, she automatically wrapped her arms around the blonde, but refrained from holding her as tightly as Eli was Nozomi. It almost hurt, how hard Eli was gripping her, but Nozomi stood her ground and waited. Eli took her head off of Nozomi's chest and looked up at her, standing up straight.

"Did you really mean that, Nozomi? You... You love me?"

Nozomi would have laughed at how comical the whole situation was if Eli's eyes had not been so full of fear. Nozomi lifted her arms and wrapped them around Eli's neck, earning a furious blush from the blonde.

"What a spoiled Elichika I have before me."

Eli buried her face in the crook of Nozomi's neck, and although her words were muffled, Nozomi understood.

"But why me? There are surely many people who are better suited for—"

Nozomi pushed Eli away with the forearms against Eli's shoulders, and pulled her closer with the hands on the back of Eli's neck, initiating a sloppy kiss, their teeth clashing painfully. She persisted, moving her lips against Eli's, trying to convey all her feelings for Eli despite feeling the same towards the blonde as she had just described. Suddenly feeling possessive, Nozomi pushed her body against the other girl's, resisting a grin when Eli moaned loudly. When Nozomi pulled back, the two were panting heavily.

When turquoise met blue, an understand passed between them that there was only one thing left to do: laugh. They laughed at themselves, they laughed at each other, and they laughed at their circumstances, the fear and sadness that had gripped them for so long finally leaving their bodies. When their laughter dissolved away as quiet giggles, the two girls shared a loving look, and found all the reassurance they needed in the depths of each other's eyes. Finally, Nozomi pecked Eli on the cheek and pulled away. Eli puffed her cheeks up and pouted, and Nozomi giggled at the sight.

"Come on, Elichi. Let's go to bed."

As her mind processed those words, she realized she felt mentally and physically exhausted. She smiled and took Nozomi by the hand.

"Yes… Nozomi."


End file.
